Its Complicated: The Karyn Lane Story

Have you ever heard the saying, "you never know what is going on inside someone else’s house?" My friends, thank God my pets can’t talk, as I exemplify why this saying holds true. If you’ve found my site, I suspect some mischief is happening in your cozy home too, or at the very least, you're contemplating it. Maybe you’re not having adventures that would earn you a scarlet letter, but you’re “different,” not the typical suburban type that people assume you are. Whether you know why you're different or you are just figuring it out, you have found a place that just wants you to be you.

For the past four years, I've been living as a happily married woman and mom who happens to be bisexual. But the bisexual part is still a secret from my kids, family, community, and my vanilla friends (the ones I'm not open with or don't mess around with).

The tale of how I arrived at this point in my life is a bit like a soap opera with extra plot twists. It wasn't until I hit my forties that I had realized I was bisexual. Picture this: I was scribbling away on a novel about a suburban wife who befriends a nurse who moonlights as a stripper. As I was noodling over the idea of a lesbian scene between these two characters, I casually mentioned it to my husband. His response? Well, let's just say it was the plot twist that changed our lives.

Have you ever considered that you're bisexual?

This question didn't catch me off guard. The signs have been there all along. Husband and I have been hitting strip clubs since before we tied the knot in 2000. I once allowed a gorgeous brunette to take a dive down south at a club in Toronto about seven years ago. We're consistently on a quest to spot the most epic pair of fake boobs. It's like our own version of "punch buggy," but with silicone. Every...single...time a stunning woman struts by or lights up the TV screen, he's quick to quip, "she'd look good on you." I usually quickly agree with him. However, I never actually thought of myself as playing for both teams. But when he asked I knew it was time to admit that I was a bisexual woman and mother of two with a whole new reality to deal with.

Why my forties? Why now, when I'm joyfully hitched? Does it even matter since I'm blissfully married? I was a bit puzzled about my next move, so I dug into some research and found out I'm not alone. There are communities, especially the Lifestyle community (a cheeky code for swingers), where we could explore not just this piece of me... but honestly, this piece of us. Accepting my sexuality hasn't changed our commitment, it has given us more to explore together.

But the swinger scene? How scandalous! How shocking! How utterly forbidden! And you know what? Parts of the Lifestyle are exactly as your wild imagination envisions them. Yet, we were amazed to encounter the most committed, free-loving, easygoing couples that we simply didn't find in our everyday lives. Within this scene, we've discovered several partnered bisexual women. We've formed strong connections with like-minded individuals. It has been unexpected and beautiful and yes, sometimes a nightmare as well.

And this brings me to this site. Women like me do exist. They’re in my circle. They’re my friends. They and sometimes their husbands are our lovers. Many of us are highly educated with professional careers. Our families adore us. We eat the Jell-O at the church potlucks and we order deli meat at grocery stores. But we all know that the greater society judges us. They don't know the freedom of self and incredible people that dare to step inside this world. I needed a place to share the reality.

So welcome to the complicated hidden life of Karyn Lane.

A blog, where I spill the tea on my transformation journey and all the hilarious antics that have come along for the ride. And trust me, they just keep coming! 😉

I've decided to stay incognito so I can dish out the truth without holding back. And I respect that you may want to keep things on the down-low as well, so feel free to use a pseudomym if you wish to participate.

Sign in, comment, share, laugh, dream, and know you're not alone. We are wonderful, just as we are.